Here’s a confession I didn’t know I needed to make.
I am an overachiever.
And I need some help.
I’ve been told twice in the past two weeks that I need to “stop raising my hand.” Once, by a 67 year old Ayurvedic shaman. He felt my pulse and told me I was mentally and emotionally exhausted (It was like Harry Potter magic, I don’t know how he knew that). Then I was told by a holistic counselor. And my boyfriend. And my sister. And the students I work with. And…okay, so I guess it’s been a recurrent theme.
I’ve denied this. To me, being an overachiever looks a lot like this girl. (source)
I guess I’ve never considered myself an overachiever because I wasn’t the straight A student, violin player, star of 3 athletic teams kind of kid. I was a “good”, polite, tried hard, B+ average, musically inclined, never had a detention, fade into the masses kind of kid. I worked at grades and school, but I could have tried harder. It wasn’t until college that I really hit my stride and found ideas, groups, and people I was passionate about.
That might be why, as an adult, I’ve become a teensy bit too hard on myself. I avoid the word and call it “interested.” I want to learn about and do everything – run marathons, write a book, be a teacher, hosts fundraisers, have kids, become a yoga teacher, go to culinary school, be a nutritionist, get married to a great guy, workout every day, stop biting my nails…and I don’t know, try to end the issues of the achievement gap in education and healthcare reform. I mean, is that really too much for one gal?
One of the things that came up over and over during my Crazy Sexy weekend was that too often we don’t give ourselves a pat on the back for what we DO accomplish because we’re too busy planning, preparing, expecting and wanting the next thing. Or we sell ourselves short. I know I do this often. “Hey, I did a 10K!…that’s great, I should sign up for a half-marathon NOW….”Hey! I love yoga…I want my teacher training NOW…I accomplished these 3 things at work…but I failed to accomplish these 5.”
I know I’ve gotten better about stepping back. And I can see why I raise my hand and volunteer. I really do care about people and organizations and ideas and want to learn more. But I also know that I like the control - I like being in charge. I like having something to work towards. I like being needed. I hate feeling unproductive.
But being needed can be tiring, and it doesn’t necessarily help me focus on health, healing or my best self. If I try to go in 14 different directions, I’m only going to get 14 pieces of myself. That’s not the look that I’m going for.
It’s definitely a process and one I’m committed to working on. I’m going to start by declaring that my weekend is going to be very unproductive. I don’t plan on achieving anything. That felt pretty good. I don’t plan on achieving anything this weekend.
Besides, maybe, this.
Are you a member of overachievers anonymous? Is down time something you struggle with? I promise, there will not be another meeting you have to attend. 
amen!
This is me in so many ways. I was voted “Most Versatile” in high school because I had my hand in everything. When I first started teaching, I was on every single committee/team/study group because I felt like I needed to immerse myself in everything at school and show how much I cared. After a year, I didn’t want to do anything because I burnt myself out. It took a long time to find balance.
I know I’m like this in other areas of my life (running, maybe?) but I am feeling happy and not stretched too thin, so it works for now. My friends and family also provide reminders to slow down and keep calm!
Yes! I am so familiar with the burnout cycle too, and then get mad at myself for feeling burnt out! Family and friends are definitely great about recognizing the cycle and telling me to slow down, too.
I completely understand this because I find myself doing the same thing. I’m starting yoga training in September and then got the idea to go to massage therapy school. Well, what do you know, within a few days I am researching schools and beating myself up over not having a “plan” yet. WTF? How about I chill out, enjoy yoga training and then see what is next? There is nothing wrong with learning new things and exploring all options but I need to chill out and enjoy the process instead of expecting so much from myself!
Great post!
This sounds just me, exactly – “oh, you just applied to grad school…well maybe you should look at PhD programs.” What?!? That’s so exciting about yoga teacher training! Congrats.
I am definitely a member of overachievers anonymous. I was in high school as well, but it seemed easier, because I guess I didn’t care about grades all taht much.
But now that I’m in college it’s another huge load on my plate. I definitely feel a lot more overwhelmed now than in high school. I try to take a little time to get some yoga in and meditate. Definitely helps. 
I fall into that trap too. Most recent example….everyone tells me to rest when my baby naps because my sleep is interrupted at night. But i can’t! There’s so much to get done during that time! This weekend I have my mom with me so I plan to relax a bit while she pampers her grandson
I loved this post, and I’m totally guilty. It’s the hardest thing in the world for me to *not do*. Really. Every afternoon in January I tried to sit down and JUST have a cup of tea – no multi-tasking. I think I could only do it once. I’m trying to be better at this in 2011. We can cheer each other on!
I am such an over-achiever. I end up with too many goals, projects, and crap on my plate and then I beat myself up until everything’s perfect. It’s part of my type a perfectionist control freak personality, dontcha know? haha
Sign me up for OA, for sure. I’m in massage therapy school and working full time, interviewing for other positions (because I don’t like my current job), managing my yoga instructor’s email accounts (for money and free classes!), blogging… already thinking about yoga instructor training sometime in the near future… I want to learn how to bake better GF goodies… I want to learn how to sew… yeaaaaah.
I can relate on so many levels. I think part of the issue comes from the fact that if I like something, I have to SHOW that I really like it by becoming involved as much as possible (my head says: well if you really liked running you’d sign up for X number of races and volunteer with X organization and get your coaching certificate and the list goes on and on). It’s not enough to just do something — I have to achieve every marker of success in it. I’ve definitely calmed down a lot of the years (I was really bad in high school and college) but there’s still that nagging voice that makes me feel guilty when I’m not doing something productive at all times. I’m really trying to be better about this – it goes along with learning how to let go of some control.
Enjoy your completely unproductive weekend! I hope you find it relaxing and to be just the thing you needed
haha i hear ya on the over achieving.
i raise my hand to that too…aka blog, grad school, thesis, work almost full time, find time to cook for the week, make meals, make breakfast, workout and still relax? yeaaah right julie haha
Oh man, I DEFINITELY need this book. I try to do way too many things at once and expect to do them well. Not gonna happen…
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I know this feeling!!! It’s so hard NOT to be an overacheiver in today’s society I think (at least in the USA). AS I struggle with this not-so-healthy syndrome myself, i’m not sure i have all the best advice about conquering it except maybe “get your ass on the cushion” as Kris would say. I’m working on that consistently myself!!
Love this!
Hi Amy – Thanks for visiting!
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