I got some news on Friday that made me think about some of my goals in a new way.
It was news I figured would be the case – it would probably, most likely, perhaps be the case. I still held out hope I would be wrong.
Last June (the June of ALL things medical), it was discovered that my aorta is dilated. It doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, but when it comes to anything related to your heart, dilated is no good.
Due to the dilation (and my congenital heart defect), my doctors and cardiologist are extra cautious related to health and fitness (and pregnancy, but luckily we don’t have to go there yet!). If I want to try something new, I know to give them a call. That’s why I figured I would run the idea of training for a half-marathon by my cardiologist, knowing that he would probably say no. But deep down, there was still that small part of me that was hoping he would say yes.
I haven’t run a half marathon yet. I haven’t run more than a 10K. I haven’t actually run in almost a year. But that dream was still out there. I still hoped that someday I could be a half-marathoner, or a marathoner. I hoped I could follow in my Dad’s running footsteps and take part in Team in Training. I was really hoping to run with the American Cancer Society in next year’s Providence Half Marathon, to raise money for a cause that means a lot to me. I hoped I could push my body and know what it felt like to run that far, that long. I wished I could make myself proud of my running accomplishments.
I got a call back from him on Friday. A 5K, yes. A half-marathon, “That probably wouldn’t be a good idea. We don’t know how much training would affect your dilation or your heart.” I assumed he would say that. I assumed it would be a no.
But the no still hurt. I still cried. I was still angry. I still wondered why I had to deal with everything this year.
And then the Dude reminded me that I still have a lot of goals and I can still accomplish great things – that I just have to think of them in different ways than before. My old normal and my new normal coexisting together.
I am still proud of my running accomplishments – whether they were this year or two years ago. Whether it’s getting out to run even 20 minutes with the dog or the memory of running through Providence with my family. I can still run. And walk. And breathe. That’s what matters.
I might never be a half or a full marathoner. Or it might take heart surgery to allow me to become one. Either way, I’ll adjust. I’ll think of new goals instead and I’ll pursue my passions and be grateful that I’m able to do that. In whatever way, shape or form they are available to me.
And then yesterday I realized – I didn’t think to ask him about walking a half-marathon… 
Walking was EXACTLY what I was going to suggest!
Erin, if there’s one thing you’ve proven, it’s that you’ll find a way to do what you want. And then you’ll kick ass at it. Go for it, girl.
Even when you don’t have obvious health issues, things get in the way of marathon training. I hurt my knee and leg, shouldn’t have done the 1/2 marathon but still did it anyway. And I will never sign up for any kind of road race again! It’s really cool to say you did it, but not at the expense of your health. You’re amazing anyway.
I’m so sorry to hear about this – it’s frustrating when you aren’t allowed to do something you really want to do. But if you can walk it – so awesome – do it!
p.s. could you set up a run/walk plan? Like run 2 miles, then get your heart rate back down by walking x miles, run 2 miles again? Something else to ask about since your cardiologist said a 5k would be OK.
“I didn’t think to ask him about walking a half-marathon…” <– absolutely! why not?! I love this plan of attack and in the face of bad/disappointing news, sometimes a little optimistic thinking can turn things around.
You’ve overcome more than most people I know. You’ll find some mold to break, even if it’s not the mold you had planned. I’m sure of that.
It is all about figuring out a new normal, your normal may not be what you thought it would but you do control it. Taking a different path is scary and hard but you end up a much better person because of it. Walking is doable, running shorter distances is too. Combine those and do the half but in the way that is best for you.
You are AMAZING. That is all.
I really admire your attitude in response to the frustration of not being able to run a half marathon. I only just discovered your blog, but I can tell from reading your post that you’re not the kind of person who will give up on her goals. You’ll get there, you just might not get there the way you initially envisioned. I think walking is a fantastic idea!
Ha! I was totally going to suggest walking, but you beat me to it. I’m guessing that would be OK with the docs, or at least they’d be willing to let you try and see how it goes.
How’s your cycling? Something else to consider, too
Even if you never get to run a half-marathon, I agree with the others that have said you’re still amazing. You’ve faced challenges that most of us will never have to, and you’ve come out of it all with grace and perspective. I have absolutely no doubt that you’ll find some way to contribute to those causes that mean the most to you.
YES to walking!!! It’s perfectly normal to be upset when you get disappointing news. sometimes, when i’m going through a tough time and i think there are no more options, i remind myself to think outside the box. sometimes, it’s just a matter of getting a new perspective on an old idea. there are always ways to make something work. it just might not look the way you thought it would. hang in there Erin!
Ugh. OK, so that’s not the best news, but I think you have approached it with such a positive attitude! I know you read Susan’s blog over at The Great Balancing Act, so I’m sure you’ve seen that she recently wrote a very similar post about accepting her new normal and proceeding as is, without looking back and trying to become Susan from 2009 or 2010.
Walking a half-marathon sounds completely do-able, and I would LOVE to follow your training schedule because at this point in my life I can’t run, either!
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