There are a lot of things I learned during my first year of grad school.
1. Teaching is HARD.
1b. I have the BEST guy. There is no doubt in my mind that we can make it through anything if we can make it through a) cancer and b) grad school. When you have to work and coordinate and communicate and juggle money and figure out how to spend time together and see each other (even though you live together, ha) and who’s going to walk the dog and take out the trash…it’s work. But the benefits are really worth it. 
(plus he cooks for me and takes care of me and makes me things like this for dessert.)
(Strawberries & cream will be making many appearances this summer).
2. Work/life balance is b*#@t. I think the concept of work/life balance is sort of crap. Sometimes there’s no way to balance everything. The way that society/the media/other people make it seem like “you can really have it all!!!!!” is, in my opinion, a dangerous myth. Sometimes, you cannot have it all. You cannot have straight A’s, get a million things done at work, have a clean house, spend quality time with your family and friends, have a great work out and eat a well balanced meal. Every single day. The idea that we can and should be able to do this, especially as women, is (Although if you can do this, please tutor me in your ways of magic) insane – yet I totally subscribe to it. Am I the only one?!
I found myself really struggling with letting some of that stuff go this semester. I dropped a workout routine. I barely saw my friends and family – and when I was with them, I was stressing about the amount of work I wasn’t doing. Tumbleweeds of dog hair accumulated at break neck speed. I stressed about all of it. And I got my first B (oh, the horrors, right?!). What I failed to remember is that I was juggling 4 classes, working, commuting, beginning to plan a wedding, trying to have a regular life – and going through treatment for cancer. Riiiight.
So was the insane stress worth it? No – and yes. Having this week off from class has made me realize what a treat it is to read a book. To spend an hour having tea with friends. To sit on my couch and not do a damn thing. How intense the pressure is, consciously and otherwise, that I put on myself to achieve. How sometimes just doing my best that day, and not expecting perfection, will make me healthier and happier. And how I really need to incorporate some of the fun, relaxing things back into my life during the term.
Would I call it balance? I don’t know. But I would definitely call it pushing the see-saw back towards the middle.
My role model in this area – Sadie. She has excellent work/life – and couch – balance.
I am SO EXCITED there are people out there who want to do this thing with me!
So far, my challenge has been going really well. I’m 3/3 in terms of NO Dunkin Iced mochas! It was touch and go for a hot minute Tuesday morning when it was pouring and I was exhausted. I thought about caving in to get one and remembered that I challenged myself this week and I’m going to stick to it!
The challenge also helped me when I started to overwhelm myself with other things I “should” be doing. It helped me to think “Okay, I’m doing one thing this week. I can do something else next week” and not overwhelm myself with too many things to work on. Yay for progress!
Laura, Hillary, Hil, Erin K., Stina – how you gals doing?!
How are you with work/life balance? Do you believe in my conspiracy theory or have you managed to make it work for yourself?!
Ok, so I wrote a guest post for you on this exact topic a few months ago. Here are my updated thoughts: you cannot have it ALL. You cannot do everything 110%. It’s just not physically possible. I completely and totally burned myself out this past fall. I was teaching full time, taking two grad classes, maintaining a long-distance relationship, training for a half marathon, and trying to have a social life (I am exhausted just reading that). By the time December rolled around, I was pretty much in breakdown mode. I had to take a personal day just to remind myself that I was a human being who needs a rest once in a while.
I think the “magic formula,” at least for me, is this: you do the best you can, and you try not to expect perfection from yourself or anyone else. And you have to cut yourself some slack, whatever that means in your own life. For me, it was telling myself that it was ok to go to bed early, even if I still had a stack of papers to grade. It was treating myself to some Game of Thrones reading time…and some wine and chocolate. Your shit will get done, and you will be fine. And you will surprise yourself with how resilient you really are.
And I started my first challenge last night. This week? I’m challenging myself to only have dessert once or twice, instead of twice A DAY. I want treats to go back to being treats; I think I’ve lost my appreciation for them because I have them so often! So far, so good : )
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Amen, sister. I totally agree with you. I have zero idea how you taught full time and took 2 classes – let alone did everything else in your life! I agree, it takes breakdowns/time off/personal time to realize “holy crap – that is a LOT.” I’m trying to give myself more permission to just do my best….but it’s hard and I know it’s something I’m going to struggle with and have to work on forever!
I hear you on the treats too – that’s definitely one of my upcoming week’s goals!
Yeah, as teachers, I think we’re all very type-A perfectionists. But sometimes you just need to do what you can—and maintain your sanity!
Hillary recently posted..The Foodie Experience
I read somewhere (or maybe heard someone say it) the idea that you can have it all, but you can’t have it all at once. Personally, I think that’s a really good way of looking at things. Sometimes you have to let some things fall by the wayside knowing that if those things are important to you, their time will come again.
I think it’s also about finding a little bit of time, even if it’s just 5 minutes, for yourself and the little things that make you happy each day. I spend anywhere from 60 – 90 minutes commuting each way to work on the bus and train. A lot of people don’t understand how I deal with that and the waste of time. But for me, it’s a big part of my me time. I use that time to read, listen to music, watch videos on my phone or iPod, organize myself/ thoughts, or just plain zone out. Without that commute I probably wouldn’t read even half as much as I do because I wouldn’t have time for it.
Oh, and my first challenge is to track my Weight Watchers points every day. I’ve been seriously slacking lately. I started Tuesday and so far I’m 2/2. We’ll see how the weekend (on mini-vacation) goes.
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I really like that idea too because it’s a reminder that not everything is going to be a #1 priority all of the time – and if it IS a priority, it’s there for a reason and the other stuff sort of doesn’t matter as much. I think my struggle is just self-expectations and trying to cut myself some slack!
I commute between 45-60 minutes each way, so I feel some of your pain! I’ve been thinking about taking the bus more often so that I CAN use that time, instead of driving myself and “wasting” the time and gas. Yay for your 2/2!
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. First of all, will you share the recipe for the delicious looking dessert? Second, I’m joining you on your 10 week turnaround. This week: bye bye, sweet tea. I’m going to limit myself to having sweet tea only a couple of times a week and drink more water!
I love your “oh the horrors” comment about getting a B. I was crushed the first time I got a B in grad school. And then I was diagnosed with cancer and a B seemed pretty great.
I had to take time off of school and was actually in the middle of a semester when I left. I took incompletes for a few classes and finished the work later. And in one class, I decided to only do enough work for a B. I didn’t even TRY to get an A. The old me would have never taken the B without trying for an A. But now I realize, it’s just ONE grade in ONE class and it’s not going to really affect my life. At all. I decided there are much more important things in life than grades. You know, like planning a wedding. 
Congratulations, by the way. I got engaged on March 27. I love that we both have men who look at us and DON’T just see cancer.
CONGRATS Joanna!! So exciting!!
And so good to hear from you!
As far as the recipe goes, I’m pretty sure he just whipped heavy cream and sugar to make whipped cream, mulled up some strawberries with a mortar/pestle and then put that on top of cut up strawberries. It literally takes him 10 minutes to make and it is.so.deli.cious. I’ll double check for you!
I totally agree with you – it’s just one grade, and honestly, no one is EVER going to ask/care what my grades were in grad school, besides me! I try to remind myself that and PRIORITIZE!
Two thoughts on the balance issue –
1) I read a book recently that talked about it in terms of “harmony,” not “balance,” which I like because I feel like balance implies things in equal or ideal measure, and harmony implies a mix that works for me.
2) Another book I’m reading now talks about balance like this: it is about making choices (saying yes and no to things), and it is a fluid state – it should be thought of as moving toward balance or away from balance instead of a goal to be achieved. I like that – when making choices, I can ask myself: “is this moving me towards balance, or away from it?” Because I’m never going to arrive there, things are always shifting.
Carole Ann recently posted..A Special Baby Quilt
I think the biggest key to work-life balance is accepting that you aren’t going to have it ALL, and either figuring out what areas you’re willing to settle in and/or learning to say no. Grad school (or any school) is sort of an artificially difficult situation, just because of the all-consuming nature of it, but even when you have Just a Job, you’re never going to be The Best at everything. It’s all about knowing what’s most important to you and directing your energies to the areas that will make you the happiest.
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